sluts and blogs

space bar is back.
Well today I responded to a post from Bitch, Ph.d, which I thought really summed up my predicament and possibly why I have become a little...okay... somewhat focused on sex lately. It seems to me well not this blog so much... but the other one I run is really bound up with both the dissatisfaction I feel about the work I am doing and the location of the institution I work for. I think I have been trying to work through some of this at school, by introducing papers that critique a lot of the assumptions about identity that dominate discourses, and it seems in deeply conservative towns such as this, these discourses or felt to be naturally, to my eyes overwhelmingly so.
I was taken aback though that discussions of hegemony and gender and the construction of feminine identities was shouted down by many of the female students. In the written feedback on the course one wrote that there was too much about gender and another about sexuality particularly homosexuality... so I guess that they didn't even the point of the course.

So I guess I have given up that particular crusade, which of course was a crusade designed to benefit me, but frankly dismantling the discourses of common sense really benefits all those that are powerless, made so by whatever identity features they possess... Which leaves me with what? Well, nothing less than a feeling that I cannot make a difference even with those with whom I have direct contact...

SO that may be why I blog, perhaps this text universe is a heterotopia... those out there who know about these things please feel free to let me know? Here I know I could talk about all matters erotic as they pass through my mind, some staying longer than others of course... but somehow I still feel constrained...

I was reading today in a blog where some one's blog was happened upon by a friend, and they tutted about the sluttiness, and felt that despite 20 years friendship the discoverer never really knew the author. The author responded by the way that his sluttiness was a recent phenomena related to his seropositivity.

I don't understand the discoverer's righteous indignation. Is one honour bound through friendship to disclose all? Certainly not, I would say. One is free, surely, to pick and choose aspects of one's life to share, as much as pick the targets for such communion. Deceived and deceitful are not at issue here, as it seems that the author has not claimed a life of chastity at any point. Most friendships in fact are based on shared identity features and interests. It would be foolish to presume that the sum of another individuals interests or features was exactly the set that intersected with yours....

oh well I should mark essays. But the thrill has gone.

canlettersfeelclaustrophobic

iguessIhaventreally postedhereforeawhileandnowIhave discoveredthespacebardoesn'twork.Ifihadabarmaybeiwouldcallit'thespacebar'

special guest star

today I was a special guest star. It aws kinda fun, though it did mean speaking a language thet I have not actually spoken to anyone in years... hence very very rusty... Was praying that there were no native speakers in the room, but there did not seem to be though one student did such a good pronunciation thet it scared me a little. It was fun, but god was I exhausted.

speaking of lucky unlucky

Do you remember that game you..we..I what is the logical way of putting that... used to play...lucky unlucky. It was a narrative game where each player took turns in adding a sentence/event to the story which always had to be prefixed with alternating luckily/unluckily sentence modifiers.
So you'd start with some lame-o first line this morning like 'This morning I woke up and all my family were gone, and the next contributor would say 'luckily they left a note, the next would add, unluckily it was written in hieroglyphics,...etc. Oh how I would love this. My best friend Justin was excellent at this game. He probably still is. We moved away in the first year of high school and I saw him only once since then when I moved back to that town when I was 17. I was sitting in a car just leaving a party, the only party I went to that entire year, and I ended up getting beaten up and had to tell the family I was living with that I sleptwalked (0r do I mean sleepwalked... slepwalked sounds better, someone better contact Pinker et al... Into a desk to explain my swollen nose, which incidently has never been the same.... and Justin walked past. I said to whoever was sitting next to me 'that guy was my best friend' until I was thirteen which in a funny way was a way of saying goodbye. I didn't get out, I didn't call him over I just watched him walk past.

lucky... unlucky

Well luckily nothing came of the 'horny fuckbuddy' email in case your were wondering. I guess I needed to somehow invite comment not just make a statement. I mean I still hanging out for the hook ups, but maybe that is just not my mode, if you know what I mean.

Well I am at work ... again... yes I know it is Saturday, but some of my extramural clients wanted a weekend online tute, and how many have turned up ... A big fat.... again. Then they apologise by Tuesday and then by Thursday they start moaning again that it is hard to learn this stuff by distance so I like the mug I am offer them another tutorial which they don't log on for and we get the merry circle all over again. I got up at 5:30 and immediately started marking so I guess I am over work for the day.

I went for swim last night and yet again the local pool was supremely well managed. Outside and on the door are all these signs saying 'open till 9pm'. Wow late eh, well it is for this big city. So at 7:55 I turn up and think I can get a good few laps in. Two laps into it, the life guard hauls us all out and says the pool is closing now. What the fuck!

So yet again nothing to report!

growling, drinking, and a horny fuckbuddy

My phone worked for a day. Then it retired. Don't you wish you were my phone. Gordon came to fix it, and like his name he seemed pretty sturdy and dependable. You tricked me Gordon, Damn your eyes.
So another day at the office. I got mad with my students again. It seems to me that they don't open their books...Except for one diligent student... And then get huffy with me when they haven't learnt anything. I am supposed to be having a small group analysis of my course where they get interviewed about the course, and I am supposed to learn from their feedback, but since they won't take responsibility for their learning, why should take on board their feedback.
Oh well.
Well at least I sort of went out and socialised tonight. Briefly had drinks with colleagues. Somehow it turned out to be my shout but that is okay. I haven't eaten today so I ended up feeling quite wazzed quite quickly and then just answered an email where I claimed to be a 'horny fuck buddy' oh lordy. I wonder if I am looking for trouble or just embarrassing situations.

have balls will growl

I must have grown balls since yesterday. Puberty this late? I told my students off for being slack. I never do this. But the last tutorial with them I could have killed them. One of them still asks the same informant the same question every week. And her pronunciation is like listening to someone run their fingers down a blackboard. But they took the telling off quite well. I think they are starting realise that they are not progressing forward as quick as they need, and understand (now) that they need to do something bout it not me.
Anyway about to go home and mark assignments/wait for the phone repair man... I believe his name is Gordon.... mmm there's a trustworthy name if I ever heard one. I may even weed the garden.

in which ludo runs away from work and his phone remains unfixed

Okay so I bolted, but I disguised it well as a visit to the library at the other campus. A cloudless day in Palmengrad so I had to, and I had worked bloody hard all weekend on the nightmare conference. I got an email form a delegate who I ballsed up his presentation for him and he wants to have lunch. Umm am I going to get a telling off? I also forgot that he was a psychologist. I mentioned that linguists can't do small talk,and he countered with business studies can' t run businesses, so then I say, what about psychologists? And he says there marriages fall apart. Then I introduce him at the panel and say the imminent psychologist KT and then it hits me... Duh.

Oh well. So I ran away. I was supposed to be getting my phone fixed. So I rang from work to get them to fix it and they say its already fixed. And I say its not working, then they say yes it is we fixed it on the 31st and I say no that is the day that you came one day before you said you would and couldn't get in so didn't fix it. No she said. We fixed it. I can check for you I am going to hang. She hangs up. She rings back and says you are not at home are you? I say no. You are at work aren't you? She says. Yes I say. That, she says, is why you didn't pick up when I rang your new number. Yes I say, and also because it is broken. Well, she says I can't tell if it is broken or not. Can you go home and check whether it is fixed, and if not ring me back and we will fix it.

I stayed very calm during this whole exchange. In fact I even offered evidence to suggest she may be right. I don't have any friends here to ring me I say. She laughs. This is no joking matter. This is the truth.

Also gas water heater is broken, so you have to pray and curse, okay so actually mainly cursing and pleading for it to actually work. Technology seems to have abandoned me.

I keep forgetting I was once a lazy-arsed student

I have been receiving emails from happy conference delegates saying that they enjoyed the whole thing which is great. But today I wnated to concentrate on my teaching as it si the first week back for students from the mid-semester week off. Perhpas I am just too tired from working straight through, as the bloody kids drove me crazy. Not a single one had prepared the reuqired work. They are suppsoed to spend 12 hours for chrissakes on this stuff, but they couldn't even recognise the pronouns! Two of them had also deleted the information regarding syntax that I had given them only two hours before. It was like pulling teeth.
I now am in a foul mood and have a million essays to mark!
I know it sounds like I am never satisfied, but surely I am entitled to some expectations. I think that these kids will be luck if there is anything better than a B for the entire class!

Oh well and now I have to go and pay the gas bill, another thrill.
Sorry venting again

smooth sailing please

Monday again, after a one day weekend, back at work, so I am using this procastination tool ((C) Bitch, Ph.D) to avoid working on my lecture onth elifty subject of control verbs, though I must admit I do enjoy saying BIG PRO a lot. I suppoe I should go and thank everybody for their hard work on the conference, but I do not wish to relive the experience so I will let that go for a while.
Are there any historians of the Tudor period out there? I just watched some fancy British production about Henry VIII (tv cashing in onthe success of Elizabeth no doubt) but Henry had a surpisingly Estuary accent. He occasionally replaced the with v. Were they making a point about the origins of the Tudors or something, or was the actor just crap at accents?

breathing again

The conference thank god is over. Didn't go so badly. Well day 1 and 3 were a complete success, but I barked like a dog on day 2. The panel that Iorgansied for that day was a disaster. The speakers were great but I sucked and had trouble with the technology... switching between powerpoint OHP and video, but never mind. The speakers themselves were fantastic.
My other presentation on day 1 went well. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and asked lots of questions. SO yay me. The three experts have agreed to be on the panel for the ebook version of the conference so that is also good. Next week just teaching and marking. Hurrah but I have to talk to Helen and Liz about going back to Vanners. Oh well more shit to come I guess

Where was I . ..

Oh my dad yes. He seems more cautious and yet more blustersome than before. Before he would have known exactly how to ge to my house long before arriving. I noticed that he also seemed to get a bit disorientated when driving back to the house after eating out, like he didn't recognise anything from two hours earlier. It makes me sad. He also managed to make me quite angry. I know we will nver agree on matters political, he is a business man at heart and does not distinguish between companies and states. Therefore in the political sphere pragmtics and economics must necessarily take precedence over ethics and empathy. I guess this is a way rationalising some quite redneck views regarding rights of indigenous people, and Australia's policy towards the US, well Howard's policy, anyways.

We ended up getting quite het up and i had to go for a little walk to calm down. Unfortunately this was the evening before he left, and I have to admit things were still quite strained on his departure. It seems so weird to be the black sheep of the family in every way. I look different I act different, I have different views, different sexuality etc. And I guess Dad has to take what ever he can from that difference to feel proud of me. And fathers want to be proud of their sons justas much as sons want perhaps crave their father's pride. But when he takes the starting point of myself as the thing to be proud of i.e. being an academic, and rejects the endpoints, things that I am proud of, i.e., attempting to help indigenous cultures survive the onslaught of English, he sees this as a foolish pipe dream. He is getting older and I love him a lot but I guess that he will never be proud of the things that I think are the most important. I will have to deal with that, though it makes me so sad, to see him shuffle way, understanding me even less than before.

a moment out... to be continued

I'm having a moment. Have just sent off a book review that I struggled with longer than necessary, and have another one to tackle as soon as htis bloody conference is over. My father finally turned up after he got a bit confused about street names. He knew it was some prime minister or other but which one? I fear the old fella is getting vague, though his wife claims it is the new joint medication he is on.
damn a sudden a meeting (probably not of minds)