Where was I . ..

Oh my dad yes. He seems more cautious and yet more blustersome than before. Before he would have known exactly how to ge to my house long before arriving. I noticed that he also seemed to get a bit disorientated when driving back to the house after eating out, like he didn't recognise anything from two hours earlier. It makes me sad. He also managed to make me quite angry. I know we will nver agree on matters political, he is a business man at heart and does not distinguish between companies and states. Therefore in the political sphere pragmtics and economics must necessarily take precedence over ethics and empathy. I guess this is a way rationalising some quite redneck views regarding rights of indigenous people, and Australia's policy towards the US, well Howard's policy, anyways.

We ended up getting quite het up and i had to go for a little walk to calm down. Unfortunately this was the evening before he left, and I have to admit things were still quite strained on his departure. It seems so weird to be the black sheep of the family in every way. I look different I act different, I have different views, different sexuality etc. And I guess Dad has to take what ever he can from that difference to feel proud of me. And fathers want to be proud of their sons justas much as sons want perhaps crave their father's pride. But when he takes the starting point of myself as the thing to be proud of i.e. being an academic, and rejects the endpoints, things that I am proud of, i.e., attempting to help indigenous cultures survive the onslaught of English, he sees this as a foolish pipe dream. He is getting older and I love him a lot but I guess that he will never be proud of the things that I think are the most important. I will have to deal with that, though it makes me so sad, to see him shuffle way, understanding me even less than before.