cleanliness is next to ... impossible

I guess it is time for the weekly whine ... let's say weekly ... well whine works but to be less blunt we'll say mope ...

Today I realised why I oculd never become one of those clean freaks. You know the type, the house is spotless 24 7. They could keep carpet white in a kindergarten ... that sort, just like my big sis No. 2. The reason too many machines. Or more specifically too many machines with cords. Today I have battled the cord of the vacuum cleaner which I think my landlord+lady... We need a title for these people which is not gender specific land-nobility? the gentry ... gendered and too Jane Austen ... anyway I think they stole it from my employer. The property of .... [insert institutional name here]. Do not remove sticker kind of gives it away. Anyway that wouldn't behave. The cord tried to strangle me and then the iron felt the fever and the cord wouldn't wind back round the little moulded part where it is s'posed to sit tidily. I also had to deal with the dishwasher. I know it sounds bourgeois to have a dishwasher but again see above description of people I pay rent to. Besides I worked in hospitality for millions of years and sucked down their ideology that dishwashers sterilise ... well not this one! I foolishly used the economy cycle which apparently saves the environment by recycling water and I now discover electricity by not heating above mentioned water. So this extremely short cycle equivalent to me just throwing a bucket of old run off over the plates once or twice, did in no way remove the remaining skerricks of dried egg and mash potato .... mmm comfort food ... from the plates, who simply had the equivalent midwinter swim in the [insert name of local dirty river here].

WARNING EVIL CLEANING MACHINES

Oh and can anyone please explain to me how to fold fitted sheets nicely. I have asked, but all methods seem to leave weird bunches at either end, and look unimpressive in linen cupboard.